Review: Destined for Destiny

My review of the fake George W. Bush autobiography Destined for Destiny first appeared in the UTD Mercury.  Read a legible version after the jump.
      Starting with its title, Destined for Destiny: The Unauthorized Autobiography of George W. Bush is hilarious from beginning to end.
      It was actually written by Scott Dikkers, editor-in-chief of satirical publication The Onion, and Peter Hilleren, co-creator of WeeklyRadioAddress.com, also a parody of President Bush's weekly radio address to the nation.
     So I was skeptical of its self-proclaimed status as "Winner of the Super Special Presidential Award for Biographizing." But if such an award did exist, Destined for Destiny would be the winner, hands down.
     A book is clearly a success when even the table of contents cracks me up. With chapter titles such as "No Bush Child Left Behind" and "Then I Ran Some Companies Into the Ground," Destined for Destiny let me know from the get-go that I was in for a chuckle-fest.
     The rest of the book did not disappoint.  If you find Bush's speech and personality comical, you'll like this book.  If you admire the president for his intellect and statesmanship . . . well, you may not appreciate it as much.
     I laughed out loud countless times as "Dubya" revealed "the history of the Bush family, from the pre-historical times of my grandfather all the way to the present times."
     He idolizes his father as a hard worker who "hauled bank notes and securities by hand through the New England snow, carrying buckets of money from his father's banks all the way to the family's makeshift estate in the Kennebunkport, Maine territory."
     "Apart from my mother," he says, "my father, George H. W. Bush, is the finest man I ever knew."
Getting all of the family history out of the way in the first chapter, he devotes the second chapter to his early years, "a tough road of hardships" as the son of "simple oil folks."
      He tells the riveting story of campaigning for the presidency with the help of his core team of advisors: Karl Rove, God, Jesus Christ, and the Easter Bunny.
     He calls himself a champion of The Little Guy: "the mom-and-pop oil company" and the "family pharmaceutical firm."
     He even discusses the lead-up to the Iraq War.
     "There were many good reasons to go to war with Iraq. The first one I proposed was that I was the Commander in Chief, and I was ordering it," the parody Bush writes.
     Part of the book's genius was that I could imagine Bush's voice saying the words as I read them. The authors have wonderfully captured the president's creative approach to the English language, starting with his dedication of the book to "the faith-havers."
     The faux-photos mimick a biographical photo album, but they actually just Photoshopped Jesus into Bush pictures.
     A Jesus impersonator bathes a baby Bush in a washbasin and teaches him to ride a tricycle, and he holds a flight helmet under his arm, standing behind Bush under the "Mission Accomplished" banner.
     There are also loyalty oaths signed by Bush's wife and daughters, newsletters from Bush's failed companies and a White House defense strategy memo, which consists of a childish drawing of tanks, airplanes, and dead stick people.
     Although the book's humor is dark at times, I believe its insights into this political dynasty are valuable. Because, as the author says, "there will always be members of the Bush family ready to answer the call to serve their country and steer it off the cliffs of greatness."
***1/2